A Victim… No More!. My True Story of How I Went From Being Abuse To Be Empower.
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Our Own Self-Centered Human Nature
I have decided to share my personal story in this series of article
with the intention of using it as an example, to bring medicine to other peoples’ lives.
In many native nations they have history tellers that go around telling stories of the past to everyone, with the purpose of sparking a lesson in peoples’ minds …
Because, it is easier for us humans to see what we need when we hear someone else’s story than when it is directly applied to our own personal situation.
I hope you can take the time to read these lines.
I will be breaking my story up into several different articles, with the purpose of making it easy to read and digest since it is not easy to read someone else’s tragedies.
But I promise that in the end, just like the fairy tales, it will have a happy ending.
Moving away from the victim role has been one of the most powerful medicines I have ever experienced in my Transformational process. For many years I wasn’t able to understand that holding onto my victim role was the main reason that was keeping me away from healing.
My major reason for feeling like a victim happened in April 10 1998, the day before my trip to visit the United States.
I was sleeping, with everything ready to fly out the next morning, excited about the days to come and having fun in the land where dreams come true. At one o’clock in the morning I heard my dog barking and I got up from my bed and opened the door of my room…that was when the nightmare began.
I opened the door to see a man with a gun standing in front of me.
He said to me that my family was in the living room and that I had to walk there and meet them.
When I arrived in the living room I found all my family on the floor facedown with other armed men watching over them as they directed me to do the same.
As I was getting down on the floor, the man started asking questions about where the money and valuable things were in the house, and next thing I knew, I was chosen by one of them to go back into the rooms to guide him to where everything was.
As we were on our way to the rooms that man positioned the gun in my back and said to me to start getting undressed,which I did out of a pure panic. I felt my body getting cold and a great deal of shame start pouring over me.
I can still feel the sadness that this moment brought into my life; as I am writing these lines my eyes are filling up with tears.
We walked toward my room and he proceeded to rape me with a gun to my head.
At this time I felt like the clock was slowing down and I will forever remember every detail of this event.
I remember thinking about trying to take the gun away from him and trying to shoot him … maybe in the legs to stop him from doing that, but fear froze my body and I was unable to do anything else but surrender.
I was there in that room for as long as it took for this man to decide he was satisfied, and when his process was finally done he walked me back to the living room,never taking the gun away from my body.
One thing I can say about this man is that I have never hated him, nor have I ever wished him any bad fortune.
Many times I have felt compassion and a profound sadness in trying to understand how we (humans)can be capable of performing such actions toward our brothers and sisters.
I want to guide this aspect of my story into an understanding of the broader perspective of this man’s behavior by recognizing the energy source implicit in his action.
By this I mean, when a person imposes his will (desire and wishes) on someone else, without having any consideration, whatsoever, for others,thinking only of his own needs, of his own interests,without consideration of how his actions will impact the lives of others
In my day to day life, often times I see people that are so self-centered, (even myself) in moments when I forget about others and I go back to my self-centered ways of being. I think that being self-centered is an ingredient present in our human nature .
However, if we are able to bring our natural self-orientation into our consciousness,we are then able to shift and add new energy, and create a new perspective to include others.
But it is not easy to see it because it is hidden and because our actions are more subtle than those of the man who raped me…Nonetheless, regardless of the behavior, the absence of considering the feeling of others comes from the same self-absorbing of energy.